This evening I watched the movie "An Unmarried Woman" for the first time. It was surreal to go back to New York and live a similar experience. I was not upset but validated on how similar our lives can be when coping with divorce while living in New York City...1973.
It was similar in many ways. I chose to go back to Huntington, WV rather staying in NYC. A good choice looking back now.
I have to accept that the girls were in the middle of the problems with their Dad and me..perhaps my fault for feeling deeply wounded and angry...I have to accept I will never see them again. This is unfortunate since life is so very short. Yet we are responsible for our choices.
I am always without earth family.
I always have a heaven family..thank you Jesus.
My prayer is that God will send someone to be my chosen child before I leave the planet.
Once in Huntington my life style went into a crash mode. I just stayed in bed having paralyzing anxiety attacks. My poor daughters were lost. I apologise to them now. I had a tiger by the tail who had me for one wild ride into hopelessness. I felt at that time.
Someone sent me a meditation tape with Jesus. It rang a bell. I got out of bed and went for a jog.
I began to plan my life that did not include an early death. Where I was heading if I did not make changes.
I started to attend Marshall University taking an Art class first. I did well. Then on to Psychology. I wanted to know what made man tick. I was going to be a Mental Health Counselor. This I achieved.
When I was leaving NYC. I began visiting some of my favorite places. The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Guggenheim Museum, MoMA and the Rockefeller Skating Rink. While at the restaurant in Rockefeller Center I met Soupy Sales. He lived in Huntington, WV at one time. We had a very good conversation. I knew then that was where I was to recreate my life...Huntington, WV.
In the movie Jill Clayburg meets her future love. I met my future love Mr. BP in Huntington. We had known each other since high school. If I could step on my timeline I would had allowed that relationship to develop. I did not. Today I have a picture of BP taken during adolescent; the age when we met. I always wish him well.
To sum this moment up. I did not make the right choice regarding BP because I did not want anymore rejection..not from a husband. I stayed single. Big mistake. Perhaps if I had married BP I would had the son I always wanted and two daughters who had forgiven me for not being there for them emotionally. I regret this. I am sorry. It is what it is.
Now I am an old lady living in TN by myself loving Jesus. A happy ending.
Great movie. Watch it if you were in the middle of a divorce and living in NYC during the 7o's or now.
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